Travelling to school on a bus is always eventful. I tend to look around whenever I am not dozing off. Today, I saw a family of three; a mother, a big brother and a sister. It was early in the morning when the mother and her kids are preparing to cross a two lane road. The big brother crossed first followed by the sister. After reaching the bus stop, the sibling sat quite far apart and no apparent communication is observed. The working mother turned her back and climbed the stairs towards the carpark once the little girl crossed the road without checking that the little girl reach the bus stop and settled comfortably. Even though the road is void of traffic other than the bus, the mother should in the very least ensure that the siblings watched each others. I wonder if the mother observed the cute pair of siblings behaving as if they are strangers. Many a times the younger siblings are forgotten by their elder siblings in a spur of moment.
Is our inculcating of independence a form of escapism? Do we say that our kids are independent and so we left them to be what they are and accept that they can decide for themselves. Maybe cultivating independence does enables us to shed some emotional burden on our side and reduce the needs or reliance of the children.
Many times, this feeling came upon me. Especially in crowded area such as the passage connecting NEL to the Ease West line at Outram MRT. I would be swarming around, following the general trend of the main stream people.
Either I cannot keep up with the pace of the people or my pace tend to be much faster than others during the walk from one end to the other end. Many times, I need to shift my steps and end up walking with awkard pace in order not to bum into people, be it uncles, aunties, young man or ladies. I observe myself whenever I am walking by myself. I have the tendency to speed up in crowded area. In less crowded area, I will be slower than others as I take my time to dilly dally and look at my surroundings, be it the sky, the buildings or the people.
I cannot synchronize with the others, i need to remind myself conciously to be in sync. Is it my fault? No, definitely not. Am i defensive here? I do not know. I will do whatever my mind says, be it right or wrong.
Busy doing some assignment when I just got a bit tired and short fused, decided to try something and post the excerpt from the test which has some sense of truth.
You are seeking an affectionate relationship, offering fulfilment and happiness. You are capable of powerful emotional enthusiasm. Deep down, you are a kind loving person, always helpful and willing to adapt yourself if necessary to realise the bond of affection that you desire. But you need the same consideration and understanding from others and it is this need that will sometimes hold you back… so let go, trust and you may pleasantly surprised at what happens.
You are a leader and possibly at this time in a position of authority, but you are experiencing problems. You are not quite sure how to handle the present situation.
Loneliness is soul destroying and at this time you feel lost and lonely, perhaps it is because you feel so frustrated that you are prepared to go out of your way to become emotionally involved with someone who could accept you for what you are. Many people will consider you egotistical,egocentric, antagonistic and full of your own self importance.On the surface you could well give this impression and perhaps the reason for this complacent attitude is because at times you are ‘short fuse’ and quick to take offence, although it must be said, you can control your pent-up up emotion and thus avoid open conflict.
Presently, you are experiencing stress because of restriction on your independence. You need and seek respect from other people and it is essential that they appreciate you for yourself and not for what they would like you to be. You have your own beliefs and convictions and you would like to be respected for them. You are anxious to avail yourself of every opportunity that may come your way but nevertheless, come what may, you have the need to control your own destiny without imposed limitations or restrictions.
You wish to be left in peace… no more conflict and no more differences of opinion. In fact you just don’t want to be involved in arguments of any shape or form. All you want is for ‘them’ to get on with it – and to leave you alone.